Sue Costello - Minus 32 Million Words

Whew,  I’m coming off a weekend filled with aggression. It’s not easy using my super powers to defend against the insanity. It all started Fri night when this guy tried to upstart in front of a bunch of people in public. I’ll spare you the boring details because it’s the same ol story…… they like me, can’t hang ,then attack me because of it. Same thing happened this morning with another guy. I’m tempted to post the email because you would swear that a 13 year old wrote it. I don’t think they got the memo THERE IS A NEW SHERRIF IN TOWN….. who doesn’t get horny when guys are mean to me anymore.  I have crossed the threshold…… it’s a miracle. So pass this on to all the guys who might even be contemplating playing any games,….. I still love the guys, but please let it be guys,  men only need apply:)

When you get what you want in your struggle for self and the world makes you queen for a day,just go to the mirror and look at yourself,and see what THAT gal has to say.For it isn’t your husband or family or friend whose judgement upon you must pass; the gal whose verdict counts most in your life is the one staring back from  the glass.Some people may think you a straight-shootin’ chum and call you a  person of place,but the gal in the glass says you’re only a bum if you can’t look her straight in the face. She’s the gal to please,never mind all the rest,for she’s with you clear up to the end,and you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test if the gal in the glass is your friend. You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years and get pats on the back as you pass, but your final reward will be heartaches and tears if you’ve cheated the gal in the glass.       Anonymous

I’m sitting here waiting for a confernce call that was supposed to happen 25 minutes ago  and my email is down so, I took a break to surf the web. I came across a story about an 18 year old cheerleader who had an almost perfect grade point adverage, died this weekend from complications during her breast implant surgery.

I left that space on purpose because i wanted all of you who read this to let that last line sink in before any other words enter you’re brain. When i told my friend about it her response was an 18 year old doesn’t need implants and my response was “no one needs implants.”  Funny enough I was talking about this with my friend Joe last night. A woman at our table said “Sue you have such an amazing body, is yoga all you do?” And then Joe said “sue you really do,  it looks even better than it did last summer.” Joe knows this because I spent many a weekends on the beach with him in my bikini. We somehow got onto talking about my small breasts. Joe informed me that they were proportionate to my body and very sexy. I will not lie, it makes me feel great that people notice what great shape i am in, but i will say, i am not in shape so that people will say that  to me, i am in shape because I have to live every day in my body and i like it to be strong and healthy and support me, not slow me down. It’s also a great aid when it comes to sexuality. Trust me, yoga definitely helps in the sexy department if you let it. (Loose hips sink ships lol) That being said,  I fell asleep thinking about how many guy fans i have and how they always say I’m sexy but they follow it up with my brains and sense of humor.  I never get inappropriate emails they are always all three combined. They always comment on my spirit, and my integrity and i think it’s because i show all of that to them.I’ve always wanted to let people see me for who i really am but struggled with the fear that it would be too much.  I’ve decided to go in, to really see who i am, to take good care of myself and in turn that brings other pleasure. So what I am trying to say is, you get what you give.  I am writing this for the girls out there who struggle with being their authentic self, Being smart is sexy, being funny is sexy and taking care of yourself is very attractive to others, but i can tell you ,it has to happen from the inside out because to go from the outside in can be deadly.

So, it was Easter weekend and i didn’t need to go to church to hear about hope beacause i was living it. My boys from Boston came down for the day on Saturday. One of the guys is truly one of my best friends and  when i say he’s done me a few solids that’s an understatement. When i need him to show up for me he shows up. The reason being is one, he loves me, but two, because a few years back he found himself in a little place called prison. His family had disowned him because he was out of control. His Mom happened to  read in the paper that he was in prison and sent a guy to talk to him. That guy told him he didn’t have to live like that and vouched for him in front of the judge, he spoke about my friend in way that no-one had ever done. He said that my friend had a hope in his eyes and need to change. He was released from prison and never looked back. A singel act of kindness made him change his life.  We had a great day, we went to yoga, then to BlT burger then in a spontaneous act, we decided to surprise another friend of ours who was celebrating his birthday at Foxwoods. We drove for hours and walked into what they called the “Asian room” ( c’mon their from Boston Lol) and when our other friend saw us he was ecstatic. I haven’t witnessed pure joy in someones face like that in a long time. Because that’s how we roll. We got each others back. When people see us together they say “I wish I was from where you guys are from” and it makes me feel proud and sad at the same time. Because we’re like a bunch or war vets. We all made it out alive and are so filled with gratitude that we can’t help but pay it forward because we know when you have nothing a single act of kindness can change your life. Now if that isn’t a story of resurrection, I don’t know what is.

When i was in Boston is was David Allen Buchane from 106.7 He had the sweetest sexiest voice. I would joke that I was going to bed with my boyfriend. But as I mature  i realize i need more than a voice i need to be stimulated visually as well. So i have graduated to Charlie Rose. I am head over heels, hopelessly in love with him.  I have swooned at him from across the restaurant Fred’s at Barneys.  He sits by himself with all his crinkled papers and messy hair and think my how I’ve changed. I used to only get turned on by tough guys and now here I am weak in the knee’s for a guy who looks like the human version of the character “pig pen.”  He’s so smart and confident and assertive and and and and…………………… he doesn’t even need a set, he just sits there across from his guests in the dark. He knows everything………… I think I’m in love with his job as well. He gets paid to sit across from the most interesting people in the world. I’m not sure what moved me to write about him today. There was just something about him last night that made me wake up thinking “he’s hot!” OOh i remember, maybe it’s the fact that he has a black eye. There’s something bad ass about him now!!! lololol  You can take the girl out of Dorchester but you can’t take the Dorchester out of the girl.

If you’re around tonight at 6:30 please come see Minus 32 Million words!!! You won’t regret it!!

For those of you who don’t understand how a company like Bear Sterns could collapse over a weekend and it not affect the economy let me simplify it for you, fancy welfare. The Federal government comes in and saves them so it doesn’t affect the entire economic flow. They do it all the time with these big hedge funds. But how do these companies get in this position to begin with??? The gamble and take huge risks and fail, and we the people have to pay for their reckless behavior. Isn’t that exactly what happens with welfare? The only difference is is that those guys on wall street represent America in a a good way and welfare represents America in more distasteful way. So in order to save face JP Moragn comes in and capitalizes on the fall of the company. The stock was worth $30 at the close of business on Fri and sold  to JP Morgan for $2 a share on Mon. Because, if the company went into bankruptsy the world economic structure would be rattled.  It’s already rattled people it’s jsut another band aid. Now JP morgan will move into a building that is worth the equivalent of $6 dollars a share.  I am just floored by the similarities that are going on between the rich and the poor in our nation yet is seems that the rich keep getting richer and the poor keep getting poorer.  The whole mortgage scam is causing poor people across the country to loose their houses. They took a risk but no-one is coming in to save them. Then you have Macklowe who is having the same problems. Here is this real estate mogul who owns some of the most expensive real estate in the city. His pride and joy is the building on 57th and 5th. This guy was so sly in negotiating that deal that he even negotiated some of the profits from the mac store below. But, he personally signed a loan for millions of dollars thinking full well that he would be able to re finance but unfortunately because of the mortgage problems he can’t, so he’s being forced to sell his pride and joy. Did I mention that this guy went through Manhattan years ago in the middle of the night and knocked down a bunch of welfare hotels without permits.  Maybe there is hope maybe this is natures way of making things right. Maybe when the rich start being affected things will change. It’s like the world is bottoming out. Everybody is exhausted by the status quo maybe we need a moral shake up and subconsciously the guys at Bear Sterns are paving the way.  Maybe it does need to get ugly in order for things to change. Someone better send Jaime Diamond a memo. Hell is freezing over. 

Costello is Irish, not Italian! It’s from the Spanish invasion, half went to Italy and half went to Ireland. And I know, it breaks the vowel rule. I have all the Irishness to prove it, from the alabaster skin, to the great gift of story telling.  As far as my love of alcohol goes, it’s just a memory for me. This morning i woke up remembering how drunk i used to get on St Patrick’s day. As teenager we would get someone to ”run” for us on Sat night and then hide the beer in someones basement. I would be up and out by  9:00am and drunk by 11:00 and making out with Micheal Gannon by 4:00pm. Today I’m happy to report that today I didn’t need the alcohol to get me up and i definitely dont need it to make out!!!!!!!!!!! If only Michael Gannon were here!

The catholic church has taken out an amendment to the 7 original deadly sins.  It is now a sin  for a Catholic to become wealthy.  My Dad used to tell me that the chance of a rich man getting into heaven is the same as a camel getting through the eye of a needle. My dad would say that because he was unable to support his family because of all the immoral things he was doing on the side. As an adult i consciously know that this is ridiculous, but unfortunately it’s taking some time for it to get into my subconscious. I still believe deep down that if i am rich i will burn in hell. One of the tools I am using to over come this fear is education. One day i decided to google “why do catholics eat fish on Friday?” And what i got back was a little story about the Italian mafia and the pope. It turns out the fishing industry was having a rough go of it so they went to the Pope. The Pope fixed their problem immediately by declaring all Catholics eat fish on Fridays. I could not believe that it was right there for everyone to see. All i could think was why don’t people question things more. And then it hit, me because if you question things you have to question yourself. So what the hell? eat fish on Friday so you feel like a good person then beat your kids on Saturday. As long as there is no money being made you will be on the fast lane to heaven.

WHY WHY WHY???? Do these woman go out in public and support their men when their men just humiliated them??? WHY??? I can only guess that they have some vested interest in the whole scam. They must have been playing a long. They must be covering their own ass in the moment. I sit here in awe watching Spitzer’s wife stand there like a lithium laced doll staring into space. I mean they did meet at Harvard Law School right?? So they both have the same degrees right??? So it must be the fact that he got  caught and she knows the repercussions.  When a guy is cheating you know. Even if you don’t know, you know.  You enable that behavior for years that you’r e only insinct is to keep going. But WHY does she have to stand at that podium with him?  Society teaches us that we are not supposed to be the scorned woman. My boyfriend moved out on me after eight years and told everyone he was taking care of me while still trying to take money from me.  I was expressing my anger to my southern my friend  and she was like “Sue your acting like a scorned woman.” And i was like “I AM A SCORNED WOMAN.” she was going through her second divorce at the time.  Look at McGreevy’s wife. She is more mad that she stood at that podium with him than the fact that he is gay. What’s wrong with a girl getting mad? I actually have a picture on my refrigerator from the press conference of that senator who got busted in the airport. It’s him looking solemn and his wife looking up at him like she needs to take a poop. She probably did, but girls aren’t supposed to poop either, it’s not lady-like.  I mean hold in all that anger and you will be constipated. I understand that marriages can sustain infedelity but c’mon girls, have some self respect, stop enabling them, make them sweat it out all by themselves. That is more attractive that anything. You know what they say, “don’t become your boyfriends mother because then he has to find a girlfriend. I’d love to hear your thoughts as to why you think these women are still acting like Patsy Klein??

Okay, so, I’ve been dealing with this horrible situation for over two years now. It’s one of those things where i was treated so unfairly and i could get screwed anyway. One of those things where you fight to stick up for youself until it turns into something that turns on you. Yesterday i had a meeting about such situation. On Sunday i went to library for 5 hours and prepared. This meeting was set up by someone who i trust immensly, somone who has a great reputation. I walked in and immediately felt uneasy. We sat for an hour and to sum it up, the guy was one the tightest, most withholding, low level people I had ever encountered.  One of those people that are pretending to help but are really trying to screw you. (I much perfer someone screwing me directly btw.) Anyway, i left distraught.  This guy triggered feelings of my father. My father pretended to be the greatest guy in the world and beat his kids. Anyway, when i get triggered like that it shakes me to my core. So, as i was getting on the subway to go uptown i almost broke my va jay jay because I walked so hard into the turnstyle without putting my metro card through the slot.  The girl next to me laughed so hard which made me laugh.  I put my metro card in and rushed to get the train.  Next thing I know i have gone 4 stops downtown and i was supposed to be going uptown.  I switched over and made it to my appointment. When i finally go home I cried so hard becasue i realized that a lot of this fight i was engaged in had to do with hoping that my Dad wasn’t as bad as he was. I mean i know intellectually he was bad, but he was my only hope. I have never felt like my Mum loved me but my Dad………………. Then i realized that until i let go i’m still fighting like he did, fighting so i dont have to feel powerless, fighting so i don’t have to feel love. I thought about what a low life the guy i had met with earlier was operating on and how i don’t want to live like that.  Then i pulled it together and went and met my friend. On my way, i saw my freind jake in the lobby we sat for a minute and he rubbed my shoulders, then, as i was walking i saw this girl that i had met four years ago.  Back then she was having a really hard time about a guy so i went to the beach with her and let her talk for hours. She ran up to me and thanked me,  for being  so kind to her.  I thanked her because i was so grateful for the hug. I told her she remineded me of this girl from la who said the same thing to me because i helped her clean her apartment, and off i went, a few blocks later i bump into that exact girl from La. I said ”thats’s so weird,  i was just talking about you, she gave me a hug and off i went. When i finished with my friend I went home.  I got on to the elevator and there was a woman with her dog and two kids, and at first i didn’t recognize them but then the little girl said “there she is” and it suddenly came back to me. A few months ago i was coming into my building and a woman and a man were fighting on the street, the man hit the woman. I saw the kids cowering in the corner so i grabbbed them and pulled them away from the vilolence and sat with them. I told them it’s not their fault that their Dad was mad. And that my Dad was jsut like that when i was little. The mother came and took them and i hadn’t seen them until last night. The Mom was so gracious, she thanked me and the little girl was like “I knew it was Sue” And she hugged me held onto me for the whole evlevator ride. When i got into my apartment i didn’t even turn on the lights i just sat on the floor and cried, i cried so hard, like you do when somone dies. I felt so touched by the fact that i am not my father. That i am not choosing to operate on the low level and that I get all the hugs anyone could ever need and then i can pay it forward. So now when that little girl is big like me might not be so distraught when she has a meeting with a bully. Because she will remember that it’s not her fault.