Sue Costello - Minus 32 Million Words

I cannot believe that i am in charge of myself. I know that sounds crazy, but i feel like just recently  realized that i am the only person who can make my life or break it. It is definitely a maturity thing. I think it was more comfortable for me to stay small and think that others have it all figure out than to see the world and my self honestly.  The reasons i held on to that idea for so long were a.) because yes i didn’t want to take responsibility for myself and my life. And b.) I don’t think i i was strong enough to really see the world the way it really is and live in it just that way. It used to exhaust me because part of me was broken but there was also a part of me breaking myself. I always thought i was going to either end up homeless or like one of those crazy aunts that live in the back room because they can’t take care of themselves. Well there is a new sheriff in town and she’s got her big girl pants on and her vision is 20/20. I am amazed at how many people want you to stop being, to literally stop living so they don’t have to feel bad about themselves. They blame their bad behavior on you’re pure existence. Example number one. I got a post from some girl from Dorchester who literally told me not to come back becausei blogged about being treated poorly. (excuse the pun)  She said it was unfair of me to step back into the lives of the people i grew up with. ( see paying for poverty) She literally blamed me, for them making fun of me. Her solution is that i stay away and then she said that it was unfair of me to blog about it. LMAO. Is that not the epitome of abuse” i will abuse you whenever and however i want and you cant’ say anything about it.” Example number two: this guy straight up lied to me about being at my show. He told me he was there with his family. Well, that night there was a small crowd so and i knew everybody in the audience and none of them were there.  So flash forward to last night. He facebooks me and asks me to do him a favor. He asked me because i am really good at what he needed done. which in turn would make him look good. So i say  no not since you lied to me i don’t want to do you any favors.  He responds “that’s the spirit” LMAO again. The balls. The lying isn’t event he wost part. It’s that he thought it was okay to come back and ask me for a favor. (BTW in the past i would’ve done it. )  And example number three: the paparazzi, they literally say that if celebs choose to be famous the paps should be able to invade their privacy and safety. I THINK NOT! Umm i bet those paps all listen to the music and watch the movies and tv shows that these celebs create. So, let me get their thinking straight, no one should be famous, because fame causes them to be abusive.  And i should never go back to Boston unless i want to be abused, and people should lie and then you should do them favors or you are not spirited. hmmm  Well all i can say is you better be nice to me or I’m gonna blog about it:) Whatevs I do what i want.

Myanmar was mangled this weekend. There is a  God, i know it and he has a wife “mother nature” and they took care of that business over there in this weekend. I believe with my whole heart and soul that evil will be brought to the light, always. There is a line in the Road Less Traveled that says often times the nurosis we create to avoid pain in often 10 times greater than the pain we would have to go through if we just felt it.” Ten times………………  Its just like a criminal who wants to get caught, and runs and runs and runs hurting people while leaving clues all along the way instead of just turning himself in.  Those oppressors brought that devastation on themselves and maybe with a little help from George Clooney, but those ads hadn’t even starting running.

I do not believe in the death penalty never ever ever. If anyone watched 60 minutes on Sun night they saw a bunch of guys who had spent half their lives in prison for crimes they never committed.  Which means there were a few innocents killed as well. One of the guys was in jail for 27 years. Every time he came up for parole they said if he would just admit that he did it, he would get out, because by admitting his guilt it would show that he was willing to change. A few months ago they swabbed the inside of his mouth and the next week he was free. But what is freedom when you have lost your life? When asked why he never admitted to it just to get out he said that “sometimes your word is all you have.” I just wonder why he didn’t use his words beforehand?  Its as if he helped the system bury him alive. I would like to think that if something like  this happened to me i would fight harder to be heard. But, i am a woman who was lucky enough to break out of the shame that was passed on to me. So, I question that by not admitting to it and wasting his life in jail, is that not a twisted viture which is actually  just a veil for shame?

There is an article in today’s New York Times Styles section about the celebrities campaign to stop the oppression in Burma aka Myanmar. They are campaigning to on YouTube to fight against the oppression and stand for human rights in Burma. Ummmmmmmmmm people in our country don’t have health insurance, they are loosing their homes because of a mortgage crisis and they can’t afford gas to get the to work.  What about the fact that the moratorium for the death penalty has been lifted because they found that freezing a person before they kill them is in fact a human way to kill someone. Did i just write” a humane way to kill someone” in the same sentence?  I got to make my own sign for YouTube it says put the oxygen mask on yourself before your child!!!

And……….. the article also says; “that after three decades of isolationist totalitarian rule and multiple coups, the country held free elections in 1990. The national league for democracy, led by Daw Aung San Suu Kyi, won 82 percent of the parliamentary seats but the junta refused to relinquish power.” Ms. Aung San Suu Kyi, (A Nobel peace prize winner for her expression of non violence) has been under house arrest for 12 of the last 18 years.  They say that even people who know about her, can’t pronounce her name.  ( ung san su kee is my guess)  Ummmm because they are too busy pronouncing Al Gore and Superdelegates. In this great USA woman still get paid less then men for the exact same jobs.  And on the cover of AOl today there is picture of a man who locked his daughter in the house for 24 years……………………………. I’m sure she is not getting a Nobel peace prize for her non vilolent time spent.