Have you ever really looked at a baby? Why do we love babies so much? Because they are a direct delivery, fresh from God. They are the beginning, they are untouched, unscathed by life and the humans that live there. I have always heard that saying "this wonderful gift called life" and I would think, oh yeah what a gift, because I had so much pain inside. I would think, what is all this for? Is it some sick joke that we were all thrown here to figure it out by ourselves. It's like the blind leading the friggin blind.
But then I I decided to grow up. and open my eyes and take responsibily for my life and realize that, if I am a child of God, who am I to be making shit out of it?
Then I thought about the mind and the body and how growing up they taught us if you think it its a sin, it's real. So I asked myself Â "why doesn't that work the other way around? What if i decide that good things can happen?"
It sounds alot easier than it is. To feel that I am worth it in life is sometimes so excruciating that I would rather not do it.
So, I act as if. Someone once told me that if a healthy person gets treated poorly they walk away. Â I have decided that I will do that, even if it takes a while for my feelings to catch up. Â Even if I don't feel like I deserve more, I will take a different action.
Why? because someone else taught me that if I keep doing the same thing, the same thing will happen.
At first, I would Â go really fast and make things happen so I didn't have to feel and that usually ended in more pain.
So now I go slow and take good care. Self preservation can be very lonely, because it reminds me that I am alone in the world and that others are going to do what they do. But i f I lean on God, Â and let him guide me and protect what he made, it will lead me back to that child I was when I began.
And Â baby needs to be taken care of everyday all the time so I'm have to do it for myself the good news is, I'm not a baby and I have words.