Oh boy, sorry I've been away for a bit.  I got a lot going on. I just booked another movie and I shot my hula hoop video yesterday. Today is Sunday and it's raining so, I may stay in my PJs all day drink coffee and read the New York Times.

But before I do that ,I must write about my latest discovery. Well, I always knew this to be true, but I think I'm finally able to put it into action.

Last night, Iwas talking to this guy about how growing up, we used to bust each others balls and how it felt like love.  Then, when I went to therapy, my therapist told me that lots of people connect through aggression. I had never heard it put that way. It's amazing how a different perspective can help in digging yourself out of your own self inflicted imprisonment.

On that day, I decided that I was not going to live my life that way.

When I first started to look at myself ,I didn' t like what I saw. I didn't like that Iwas sarcastic and mean. I also didn't like that fist fighting was always an option.

When I realized this, I put it all down, but then it was like I became nothing. I was in trouble because I couldn't survive in the world with no skin. So I had to learn a  new way of life.

I slowly learned how to get in touch with my healthy aggression and I learned how to express it in a healthy way.

I simple rule of thumb is; to push back when pushed.

Reflect someone else's behavior back to them.

That doesn't mean if someone is sarcastic and mean, be that back to them.

No, it means push them back with something more sophisticated.

A healthy expression of aggression.

I've worked really hard to untwist it. I used to think that love was hate and hate was love.  So now when people try to pull me down into their aggression to keep me close, but I just step off now. I flex my muscles in my legs and walk away.

I leave them with their own feelings of aggression. But, I leave the door open. If they want to come back and connect with me though love, I will always be available.

Also, I have come to terms with where I come from and I embrace it. It's just that I had to re cycle it a bit, to turn out a different product.

True freedom is becoming a wholly integrated person, muscles and all.