I have to laugh, as smart as I might be most of the time ,when it comes to men, sometimes I am a little naive. I mean, in terms of picking up when they are hitting on me. My friend Nancy told me last night that I need become more aware.

I guess it's true., especially f I want to enjoy it

Thank God I have better friends now, because in the past I would have friends that would notice that I didn't pick up on the attention and then steal the guys.

When I was in Boston I got alot of guy attention, so much that it embarrassed me.

It's hard, the only way I can describe it is, that it must be the same for someone who grew up fat and now looks great.

It's not easy to shake those inside feelings, especially for me, when it comes to something like looks. Because our society bases so much on them and I think of it as a shallow way to connect. Plus, looks will eventually leave, so the thought of building a life based on them seems stupid.

But if I look closer at that past statement, what I'm really doing is blocking my own pleasure. Why not enjoy it while I have it??? Why be ashamed of something that feels good?  I know, because I'm afraid someone might think badly of me, might make fun of me, might tell me that I'm weird.

It seems that a good balance between the two is to have a healthy awareness of what I look like in order to live in the world. Plus, the better I feel inside, the better the outsides look.

I was telling my friend yesterday that when I was in high school all the girls wanted to be beautiful and I wanted to be sexy.

I always thought sexy was better. Because it comes from the inside. Beautiful is outside. But now I think about it, why do I have to choose?

My Dad told me that I was" too much" growing up and my whole life I have tried to tone it down.

But not really, I am an actress and a comic, so I've been putting myself out there, but not all the way out there. So I've been pretty much hiding in public.

I realize why though. I just did my hula hoop video for fun and lots of Boston people commented that I'm crazy and a nut and that there is something wrong with me. The rest of the world love it and said things like "for Christ's sake stay happy" and" that was the funniest thing I've ever seen."

In the past, the comment that there was something wrong with me would have made me ashamed, now I realize that  what I  learned in grammar school, " if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all." still applies.

And that is not for me, but for that person's own self worth.  Saying mean things, takes from the world.

I'm not weird, I'm happy and generous and loving.

If people want to connect with me they can be nice, because that will bring me closer, if they are mean and call me names, I will run, run, run.

As for the guys  it's the same question. I just hope I can feel in my body to know when they are giving it:)

I remember being in therapy and saying "i don't like the way that guy talked to me" and my therapist said "good cause that used to turn you on."

And lets be real.. isn't weird to not want to be mean to or not  around someone fun and loving and respectful and generous?