I cannot believe that i am in charge of myself. I know that sounds crazy, but i feel like just recently  realized that i am the only person who can make my life or break it. It is definitely a maturity thing. I think it was more comfortable for me to stay small and think that others have it all figure out than to see the world and my self honestly.  The reasons i held on to that idea for so long were a.) because yes i didn't want to take responsibility for myself and my life. And b.) I don't think i i was strong enough to really see the world the way it really is and live in it just that way. It used to exhaust me because part of me was broken but there was also a part of me breaking myself. I always thought i was going to either end up homeless or like one of those crazy aunts that live in the back room because they can't take care of themselves. Well there is a new sheriff in town and she's got her big girl pants on and her vision is 20/20. I am amazed at how many people want you to stop being, to literally stop living so they don't have to feel bad about themselves. They blame their bad behavior on you're pure existence. Example number one. I got a post from some girl from Dorchester who literally told me not to come back becausei blogged about being treated poorly. (excuse the pun)  She said it was unfair of me to step back into the lives of the people i grew up with. ( see paying for poverty) She literally blamed me, for them making fun of me. Her solution is that i stay away and then she said that it was unfair of me to blog about it. LMAO. Is that not the epitome of abuse" i will abuse you whenever and however i want and you cant' say anything about it." Example number two: this guy straight up lied to me about being at my show. He told me he was there with his family. Well, that night there was a small crowd so and i knew everybody in the audience and none of them were there.  So flash forward to last night. He facebooks me and asks me to do him a favor. He asked me because i am really good at what he needed done. which in turn would make him look good. So i say  no not since you lied to me i don't want to do you any favors.  He responds "that's the spirit" LMAO again. The balls. The lying isn't event he wost part. It's that he thought it was okay to come back and ask me for a favor. (BTW in the past i would've done it. )  And example number three: the paparazzi, they literally say that if celebs choose to be famous the paps should be able to invade their privacy and safety. I THINK NOT! Umm i bet those paps all listen to the music and watch the movies and tv shows that these celebs create. So, let me get their thinking straight, no one should be famous, because fame causes them to be abusive.  And i should never go back to Boston unless i want to be abused, and people should lie and then you should do them favors or you are not spirited. hmmm  Well all i can say is you better be nice to me or I'm gonna blog about it:) Whatevs I do what i want.