So it's Jan 3rd and the holidays are over and 2010 is full speed ahead and I wanted to write down so words of gratitude. The check is in the mail for Minus 32 Million Words. I should sign the contract for the theater this week and I'm happy and healthy. I can't ask for much more than that.
Oh wait I forgot about the meeting with the book agent about my book this week. Yay!
I went to the MOMA today to look at some art and overheard a woman talking about her child and how in school they are teaching the kids how to freely express themselves and it made me cry.
I thought about how long it has taken me to be able to say what I think and feel. But most importantly I've learned how to do without taking someone else down. How long it's taken me to put words to it all then to make those words and action then to make it all my life.
I have learned what my boundaries are and how to stick to them, without needing the whole world to agree with them or even understand them
I thought about how I finally value myself and what I have to offerÂ someoneÂ and the unspoken agreement that is made whenÂ someoneÂ gets to benefit from being around me.
And because I understand and respect myself I have much more compassion for others. Â I can have compassion from far away, if a person does not respect me.
I mean think about it, if I don't have compassion I will just walk around depleted and angry all the time. But the key to all of this is, compassion does not mean you letÂ someoneÂ walk all over you.
I was talking to one of my friends today and she reminded me of the first time we had met. I was sittingÂ on stoop doing business and she needed someone to talk to so I told her that I could listen to her for 10 minutes but then i had to get back to work. Â she talked, I comforted and went back to business. She later told me that she was so mad at me when i first said it to her but once she took time to reflect she thought to herself, the whole reason she wanted to talk to me wasÂ becauseÂ she thought I was cool and part of my coolness was my dignity. And she said that day she would have spewed for hours ifÂ someoneÂ had not given her a time limit and in the long run she felt more love from me than if someone had just let her talk and suck the life out of them and then never spoken to her again.
I have many friends that tell me that when i first set boundaries with them they were so mad at me but in the end that was what actually made them love me more.
I've also had people whoÂ thoughtÂ myÂ boundariesÂ were for the birds and ran very far from me.
It has helped me to have richer relationships with people and not to take things so personally sometimes now whenÂ someoneÂ gets mad I give them space. Sometimes they come back and sometimes they don't but at least its not because a lack of love on my part.Â BecauseÂ sometimes the best way you can showÂ someoneÂ that you love them is to leave them a lone.
Peace and Happy 2010 to you all!