It has taken me 40 years to finally trust what has always been inside of me. I pushed it down because others didn't want me to see it  and I pushed it down because I didn't want to see it.  If I saw it, then that meant that I could no longer live in a fantasy world. That I had to not only see the truth, but now it was up to me to protect myself and keep myself safe.  All I'm really talking about is the maturation process, it seems so simple, but so hard to do. To finally realize that no one is coming to save me, that no one no matter how much they bring into my life can be the source of my happiness or survival.  And now the drama of immaturity, the drama that i once used to pretend that i had a life, the drama that i used to make me feel alive is gone.  It's just me and the Big guy and that's ok with me. We've done a pretty good job this far I"m excited to see what else is in store for me.