When I get scared I try to control things and of course, because I can't ,that makes me get aggressive. And then I push away any joy or love I was after to begin with. They say a control freak can completely control themselves out of a life. I know for me when I try to control things I feel miserable and I look miserable, but when I let go and surrender into my humanity and open my heart, life happens beautifully. In a much more beautiful way than I could have ever imagined. This doesn't mean people do what I want: it means I do what I want, which means to just get the hell out of the way of everything. I exert myself then I let go. I feel it all — good, bad and indifferent. The more I feel, the less fear runs my life. I used to spend my whole life trying to avoid feelings. I'm sure everyone can understand the romantic feelings. I was thinking this morning how much my desperate needy feelings come up during this time. I used to be aggressive to overcompensate and, in turn, pushed people away. Or I would do the opposite: completely avoid those feelings altogether. Now I can sit still, witness them, and know that they are old feelings and have nothing to do with how lovable I really am. Then I can show up lovable and attract that which I used to repel. Plus the more you get hurt the less it hurts :)