When my friend laughed the other night I asked her, “Why?” She said, "You say funny things" and all of sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks, that I am a person who has this personality and this spirit that is driven both my heart and my brain, but something even less tangible: LOVE.

It is all housed in this body. To make someone laugh goes beyond anything tangible. It's an unspoken generosity. In order to make someone laugh it needs to be about them, not about you. It's taken me years to start to care about others more than myself, and I could only do that once I started to care about myself. It's deep, I know. But it's also really simple.

Last week I headlined at Gotham and the audience was amazing! All the comics noticed. And I thought, "Yeah, cause they are Kadoozie Kadets :) These people are here to see me." I have nurtured my relationship with them. I have given to them and now they are coming out to see me. It's a mutual respect thing.

Then, I sat and watched the comics. The more laughs they got, the more they loosened up and were funny and the more the audience laughed. Someone said, "Sue, this is fun" and I said "Yeah, look, that's how it should be: one person gives and the others accept and send it back!!!”

That night I looked up existential , and this is what is said: (adjective) pertaining to existence.

Is it crazy that I am finally realizing that I exist? And, and, and, that I can really make a difference? I might be small, but I can do big things :)