I just woke up from a really bad dream. I was walking with my friend and she had a little tiny flash light and when she shined it, it lit up the whole neighborhood and she saw some sort of monster. I didn't see it, but we ran like crazy. We went into a little shop and hid behind a skimpy curtain. I was closing my eyes wishing I could just disappear. I didn't want anyone to find me, the curtain kept swinging open and I knew eventually the people from the shop would kick us out back into the street where the monster was. As I sat up in bed I thought about playing hide and seek when I was a kid and how much I didn't want anyone to find me. I would lie behind a couch or curled up in the toy box holding my breath with my heart racing and my eyes closed,but eventually someone always found me and when they did the i was so disappointed. Then I remembered reading this book that talked about kids and shame. It said that if kids got exposed to Â situations that they weren't emotionally equipped to handle they would use shame as a defense mechanism. Which simply means they blame themselves. Then I thought about when I had my TV show I was not ready for all the exposure, I did not feel worthy, and I was over come with shame and wanted to stay in, I wanted to curl up in the toy box again, because I wasn't emotionally equipped to handle it. I didn't think I deserved it. I was so scared that something bad was going to happen and it did. My younger brother was paralyzed in a drunk driving accident. My show eventually got canceled and I didn't even care. I thought "why bother?" Â I associated my being happy with bad things happening. Then I learned about this little thing called magical thinking. If I was that powerful to make bad things happen, which is what they taught us growing up, if you think it, it will happen, and whatever you focus on will grow. Then why doesn't it work the other way around? So I took out my little flashlight and the world lit up and yes I saw everything. Then I went back to the dream, Â and thought wait, I didn't even see the monster, my friend told me about him and I got scared. hmmm... Why am I gonna hide behind a skimpy curtain because of monster that someone else saw? Â The curtain is not going to protect me and the Â monster will always find me, because the Â moster lives inside me. Â But now, instead of hiding, I can chose to use my light to scare him away. Â It's a scientific fact that darkness cannot cover light.