Foundation: 1. The basis or groundwork of anything; the moral foundation of both society and religion.

2. The natural or prepared ground or base on which some structure rests.

3. The lower division of a building or wall or the like, usually masonry and partly or wholly below the surface of the ground.

4. The state of being founded.


1. The front of a bulding, esp an imposing and decorative one.

2.  Any side of a building facing a public way or space and finished accordingly.

3. A superficial appearance or illiusion of something.

I was listening to a song yesterday about a guy checking his hair in the mirror and I made me think about how hard it is to turn the mirror on the insides.  Someone once told me that anything not built on a spritual foundation would crumble.  So I started thinking about how we take such better care of our ousides than our insides. And how the more we build up the facade the more the more weight it puts on the foundation, and if the foundation is weak it will all eventually crumble.

I was thinking about intimacy, real intimacy. How so many people are afraid of it; they think it's because they are going to be trapped but the truth is that when you allow someone, that vulnerability causes the facade to crumble whether you like it or not. Into me I see. You can never know what a person is like until you get close. And you can never know what you are like and "made of" if you until you let your facade down and test the foundation.

I mean think about it, if you buy a house or an apartment you really don't know what it will really be like to live there until you move in. Yes ,you can have someone over to do tests and inspections, but until you hunker in you have no idea.

It's the same with people, that 's why comparing our insides with other people's outsides will always leave you feeling less than. Until you get close and see how people really live and  how you will respond, you really can't build your foundation. A facade with a facade will never make a home.

Last night I was out with some guy friends of mine. I told one of them that there skin looked way better since he's been going to yoga. And right away he's was like "what did it look like shit before?" I was like you guys you can't take compliment. And my other friend said "I can, lay it on me I'll sop it up with a piece of bread." I didn't believe him.  He's definitely good looking but I've been with guys like that before who say they like compliments but if you give them too much niceness they're own self hatred will push it away even if it's what they desperately want.  They were like "Sue's badass... she's glowing, as usual, and look at how ripped her stomach is." I used to hate when people called me a Bad ass. I thought it wasn't girly enough. But obviously girly is a state of being, since they noticed my stomach. Then, one of them said "yeah she will get all Boston on you, all street, and the other one said yeah but if you got street with her she'll turn all book on you."  Again I used to get so mad when people would say that to me.  I've had famous movie stars tell me that they are afraid of me. Alec Baldwin told me that he's afraid of my brain and my mouth. And Colin Farrell told me that I scared the shit out of him because I"m pretty, funny and I don't miss a f*ckin trick.  I guess now looking back, it's a compliment. It means , that I'm in touch with all of me when I'm in the world. Lol  And pretty much what they all are saying is how smart I am which is CRAZY because growing up they told me I that I was retarded.

I'm a big fan of guys,  one of the guys from last night is going to teach me how to play chess and I woke up to this from another guy,  "you have no limits, trust in God and be gratefu,l i see god in you, walk in the sun light of the spirit and fuck everything else xxx"

Last night I was reading this spiritual book that this woman in her 60's wrote. She talked about how her generation made the mistake of becoming like men to get ahead. And how she regretted not holding on to her princess warrior. We don't need to become men, we need to remain feminine and soft while strengthening our foundation so that their insecurities and facades don't take over everything and vice versa.  It's ok for guys to be soft too, if they are soft with the right person, it will only strengthen the foundation.

I do find it weird that everyone comments on  me, lol but at least its matching up; what's at my foundation is supporting my facade. Front, sides and my back side booty.

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