FEEL FREE TO LEAVE COMMENTS LETS GET THE COVERSATION GOING LOl that is the conversation I had with my friend last night. We were going over the weekend in Boston and I asked he what she thought of this guy that was hanging around me. Â Her response was " I"m not a fan, he has an unhealthy level of Â lust towards you." I asked, "what is a healthy level?" and she said "I don't really know, but you couldn't even have a normal conversation with him." As soon as she said it, I remembered him asking me if my feet were painted the same color as my hands. I also remember him asking if he could hug me and how in the moment, I thought it was cool that he asked, but after the fact, I realize that he might have hugged just a little too long.
The whole weekend was kinda like that. What happened and what is a healthy level of anything? Â It was so intense to show up and no matter what went on I didn't let it throw me and I got the job done. Â Now, that I have had a minute to reflect, I see that there were so many moments that could have thrown me.
I went to Boston on Fri stayed in a beautiful hotel, which was great, it made all the difference in my performance. So, that got me to thinking, okay what's a healthy level of need in general. I came to the conclusion that I need a safe place to stay while I am working. I love being around friends and family but I need to take care of myself.
In the past I think I would have thought that that might be a Â bit diva ish but what I would have been doing is living in deprivation. There has to be a healthy balance. Which helped me on Sunday when I had to move hotels. I had to do something huge on Monday and needed to sleep well, especially after all the emotions of the weekend.
Nancy my bff and I went to the Copley Plaza on Sunday afternoon to get another friend of mine, a birthday gift. We got the register at Victoria Secrets and she realized she had lost her wallet. She was freaking out. Mind you, the last time I was in Boston doing my one woman show, she lost her wallet as well and I found it. She gets a little anxious.
So knowing full well that I can't let this rattle me, I stay calm. I have her call the hotel. I have her go down to the car and check. I have her call the breakfast place. I stay calm. Then we go down to the car a third time and she found it.
We go to my new hotel I change for my friends birthday party in the North End and my bff drops me off and heads back to NYC.
The party was so nice, it was surprise. Her friends from NYC came up for the day and she cried.
Ok, so then I go back to the hotel and this lonely feeling comes washing over me.I don't want to do anything to sabotage myself soÂ I sit in the window sill Â looking out over the Charles River and talk to God. I ask him to be with me because he's really the only one that can pacify me.
A few minutes later there is a knock on the door and it's the girls form NYC that I'm gonna be working with on Monday. We go downstairs to eat and I leave early knowing that I have to take care of myself.
I go back to my room get in my big bed and turn on the T.V and the re play of the FedererÂ Nedal 2008 Wimbledon is on. I watch it and Fed Loses Nedal wins. Nedal falls on the court crying. I thought that's what I'm going to do when I get back to NYC, but for now, I"m going to be Fed, classy and gracious no matter what happens. I thought yeah, their girlfriends and coaches and families can come and support them but when it comes down to it they are the ones on the court, by themselves with their talent (GOD). No human being can make them do anything at that point and as I fell asleep I thought, I have a need, I want greatness, a healthy level of greatness. and if that makes them lust so be it I can handle myself.