Let's just say that IÂ neva eva eva thought that I could turn things back around. I had no idea, I was so down and out that IÂ thought it would stay like that forehva. But then again, I must not have, I had a deep down body hope that defied nature. After all, why would I keep going? Well, Â it' s happening, I'm rebuilding and the coolest paht of all of it is that it's happenin because i've revealed all of myself. The WTFpod has brought so much attention to me and my career. I had no idea that it would. From that interview so many people have contacted me about how much they appreciate my honesty and Â hearing how much work goes into a career.
The funniest part of all of this, is, Â that the exact thing that connects me to people is the thing that I ran from and then cried about being lonely.
I wanted people to read my mind and I wanted to be so put together and have others feel my feelings so that I never had to beÂ uncomfortable, which actually made me more uncomfortable.
I had to learn to exert my self, to give to others, so they would see me and want to be involved with me. I used to trick myself into thinking that they only liked me when I'm down. It's amazing the tricks my mind will do to prevent me from takingÂ responsibility.
That is not the truth, they like me cause I share all of me, the highs and the lows and the beauty that connects us all, Â Humanity.
I hope I always have the courage to exert myself and show myÂ vulnerability. I find that when I'm kind I get covered in a wave of shame, but it passes and a whole lotta love comes back at me.
Everyday I struggle with something that I would not want the world to see, today it's letting others treat me poorly because obviously i have some connection to it. I get something out of it. I'm tryin to let go of it and have hope that if I act differently things will be different.
I might be small, but I can do big things.