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Life In General


I have been talking about the middle class feeling disenfranchised since 1998. Colin Quinn was quoting my show Costello the other night - verbatim. 20 years later. I did the best I could as a young woman with so much pressure and so much sexism. I did great. They would have had me go to the rich guy’s house but instead I brought him to mine and showed how much it provoked. The "suits” didn't get that I was not trying to be better because that is what they do. Ha! I was writing about them and they let me on TV! I got another show for them and this time I AM WICKED CLEAR. This is so deep. I wrote a show about them oppressing us 20 years ago and they let me on TV but I let them sway me a little but still got there. This is what the whole brand #IamSueCostello is about. How we need each other and we can’t dispose of one without hurting ourselves. I need the corporations to get exposure and they need the middle to buy their products. DAMN they told me back then that I couldn't be pretty, funny and smart.  Sexism is still alive and well but guess what — I ain’t playin anymore. This is part 1 of 3 "Sue Dates a Freakin Dentist.” 


Doozie from the Kadoozie part 2

Oops sorry, the holidays took me away. So where was I? Right. Precious, he and his Dad met me in West Hollywood so that I could take him to the Getty. When I walked up to them, Precious was not having any of it. He did not want to go, he just wanted to go home. Boy was he grumpy. I finally figured out that it was because of the mid-week switch from his Mom's to his Dad's that was making him so uncomfortable.

I thought to myself, that must be so hard for him and upped my patience level with Precious. I convinced him to go with me for a half hour, told him if he didn't like it we would leave, and off we went.

We get off the 405 at the right place, but we take a wrong turn. Precious starts to freak out because he sees all the traffic we are going to have to sit in on the way back. I am not the best driver, so internally his freak out was making me freak out. I pushed through though, and told him to respect me. He did, and it didn't take us long at all to find the Getty and next thing you know we are on the tram above the Hills and the view was spectacular, but no where near as spectacular as the view once we reached the top.

I forgot to mention that I had busted Precious in a few small fibs earlier in the week, which I'm sure all 12-year-old boys do, but it broke my heart because this kid is so cool already that he doesn't have to make anything up.

Anyway, the first piece of art that we see is a photograph of a sentence from a book that said "he lied so much he began to believe his own narrative." Precious read it and asked me what narrative meant. I told him and he got it. We both felt it, like some next level shit, art imitating life and speaking to us because we had the patience and the strength to push through.

Next we look at the old oil paintings. We talk about how amazing it is that they haven't cracked and he says something (I can't remember what) that prompts me to tell him that he is very literal. He asks me what that means and I tell him. Later on he calls back to it and says, "Sue I was just being literal."

As we move through the museum we see a yellow piece of wood leaning against a wall and he says, "C'mon Sue I could do this." I say, "Of course you could."

When we’re done, we stop to get a snack at an outside stand. Precious tells me that he wants a tuna sandwich. I say, "Don't get the tuna it's gonna be gross, it's been sitting out all day, get the burrito, it will be better." He says to the woman behind the counter "I'll have the tuna sandwich." When she puts it on the counter, he looks at it and says, "Can I have the burrito instead?"

When we finish we clean up after ourselves and go home. On the drive home I ask Precious if he saw that he didn't need to be so nervous when everything wasn't perfect. I say that's part of maturing, when you have really uncomfortable feelings and you don't take them out on others, you push through them and get the rewards.

He looked at me nods and asks, "Then I can be successful?" and I respond, "Literally."




Let's just say that I nevah evah evah thought that I could turn things back around. I had no idea. I was so down and out that I thought it would stay like that forehvah.

But then again, I must not have. I had a deep down body hope that defied nature. After all, why would I keep going? Well, it' s happening. I'm rebuilding and the coolest paht of all of it is that it's happening because I've revealed all of myself. The WTF podcast has brought so much attention to me and my career. I had no idea that it would. From that interview so many people have contacted me about how much they appreciate my honesty and hearing how much work goes into a career.

The funniest part of all of this is that the exact thing that connects me to people is the thing that I ran from and then I cried about being lonely.

I wanted people to read my mind and I wanted to be so put together and have others feel my feelings so that I never had to be uncomfortable, which actually made me more uncomfortable.

I had to learn to exert myself, to give to others so they would see me and want to be involved with me. I used to trick myself into thinking that they only liked me when I'm down. It's amazing the tricks my mind would do to prevent me from taking responsibility.

That is not the truth. They like me cause I share all of me, the highs and the lows and the beauty that connects us all, Humanity.

I hope I always have the courage to exert myself and show my vulnerability. I find that when I'm kind I get covered in a wave of shame, but it passes and a whole lotta love comes back at me.

Everyday I struggle with something that I would not want the world to see. Today it's letting others treat me poorly because obviously I have some connection to it. I get something out of it. I'm tryin to let go of it and have hope that if I act differently things will be different.

I might be small, but I can do big things.


i feel like being funny today...

OK, so this guy came up to me the other night, he was beside himself because he saw me in the Laurence Fishburne movie, "Once in the life," and then last night, this guy was like, "I saw you on T.V, and I was like I know her." Sounds glamorous right? Well,  since I'm always blabbing about how important humility is and how it's so important to show your true self; in honor of my art I have decided to break the mystique. Over the next few days I am going to lay out how crazy me and my career have been. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. Here are a few teasers, I farted on Pat finn, got thrown off Murphy Brown and had a dog try to f*ck me in the ass....stay tuned

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Defibrillate my heart

I fell asleep last night watching a medical show about the human heart. They were doing a study on these people who had heart conditions that could cause them to go into cardiac arrest at any moment and die. I lie there thinking, imagine having to live like that? Then my next thought was, we all do. We all live like that, every day, but we pretend not to. There was one guy who had a defibrillator implanted in his chest right below his heart. So, if he were to go into cardiac arrest, the defibrillator would shock him back to life.  One of the doctors was commenting on the progress they have made in terms of understanding the human heart. He said in the past they never would have thought the heart could withstand such and invasion. He said that the study of cardiology was a relatively young process. That it wasn't until the 1930's did they begin to discover potential of the human heart. He said not until they started to remove shrapnel from peoples hearts did they notice how incredibly strong a muscle it really was.  I thought, we have all had shrapnel in our hearts at one time or another. We have all gone through shocking our selves back to life after having our heart broken. And we keep going, some of choose to shut it down and some of us choose to open it up and see the potential. If we chose to shut down because someone has hurt us, then the hurt wins, our fear becomes so heavy that we curl over and turn in animals, non speaking entities, isolated.  But never really, because we are the only animals who carry our hearts on the front of our bodies. It is our duty as human beings stand up and show our hearts so we can allow other to, so we can save the ones who can't save themselves. I am blown away by the power of saving a human life and how much each person means. I was watching that guy lying on  the table thinking look how  much care he is taking of himself so that he doesn't die and then my brother Jimmy came to mind. Ten years ago he was drunk driving and got pulled over by the cops. He was driving on a suspended licence, so, when the cop went to run his licence, Jimmy took off.  He ended up flipping his van and was lying dead on the side of the road. The cop chased him and came to and intersection, he could go north or south. He remembered that Jimmy's van had a south shore address on it, so he went south. He found Jimmy lying there, dead and breathed air into his lungs. Jimmy died again and when the firefighters showed up someone said, "he's dead, forget it" and the firefighters said "let's try one more time." They did, and they saved Jimmy's life.  So for any of you out there thinking its over and  you can't try one more time, don't underestimate the strength of that muscle we call the human heart.

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Wrinkels give you character

Good monring all, as I was washing my face this morning I was looking at all the little lines on my face thinking, that one was from when I had my heart broken, and those are the ones I got from laughing so hard, and the ones on my cheeks are the ones I got from making funny faces. The other night I was sitting beside this woman and she has no wrinkles, none not around her eyes or mouth or nuthin and I sat there thinking where is her life? Her life had literally been removed from her face. I started thinking about how when I was 13 I scratched my face up with a rusty point of an old compass because I hated myself so much I wanted to erase who I was.  I thought, that is what plastic surgery is. It's a more acceptable form of cutting. And why do we do it?  For other women. I started to think about how when I did the movie Southie and an actress that I worked with told me that my wrinkles give me character and that she could never do stand up because a guy would never laugh at a girl he wanted to f**K. And then I started thinking about my old boyfriends niece, we used to have quiet time in her room, she was three at the time. We were on her bed and she looked at me and said "Sue you have wrinkles." And I got so insecure, I said "I know but you can see them now because the sun is shining on them so much." and she responded "No, I see them all the time." Who taught her about wrinkles? And then there was my friends daughter who was four when I did Last Comic standing, she called me Costello. When they asked her on camera if she thought that Costello was funny she simply said "no."  Everybody laughed and moved on, except her. And hour later she was still crying and when she finally stopped her Mom asked her what was wrong and she said, "I said that Costello isn't funny because I wanted to say that she is pretty and I didn't think you could be both."

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I am a very good bowler

Yes it's true, i'm a very good bowler and a great dancer but when it comes to singing not so much. But funny, Gawd am I funny.  Sunday night before the guy approached me on the street I was with my friend. We had just gotten back from the Hamptons, which btw, i have any mixed feelings about. It's a bit much for my taste. It feels just like the city and all the showing off bores me, i feel like lot's of it so about the outside instead of being true from the inside.  But Sat night as i walked on the beach in East hampton with the moon shimmering on the water i couldn't help but think that there has to be a God. I really felt it and aprreciated it.  Anyway, as we were driving out, that song by Whitney Houston came on. "I believe the children are our future" and Iremembered how much I loved it when I was younger. So, as i was walking from the car i began signing it at the top of my lungs (very bad singing) so you would think people would be annoyed. Well low and behold we walked by one guy who laughed so hard then a girl and another. So even though i can't sing very well it still brought lots of people joy. But ,when i am good at something watch out. Last night my friend had a bowling party for her birthday and there were about 30 people there. I was the highest scorer for the women. I think it's the music that makes me bowl so well, I love it! And my friends daughter, i love her too. She's 13 and she's so smart and funny. At one point while she was taking candid shots of me bowling i told her that this one shot was a representation of my career. I almost got a strike and she jumped for joy. Then i asked her if she was my daughter would she listen to me. (I've always had this fear that because i'm small i would have this big kid who would never listen to me.) She says "sue if i were your daughter I'd prob be small too and many powerful people were small um, Napoleon."  She so cute i can't take it. And then my other friend Allison showed up a bit stressed so i gave her a dance show. She was shocked that i could dance the way I do. Growing up in Boston that's what we did to express out sexuality, so you can imagine that coupled with years of yoga how my hips move. LOL My message for today is "i believe the children are our future, small people can be powerful too, and the hips don't lie so loosing up the butt cheeks and STOP SHOWING OFF AND FOR CHRIST'S SAKE HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!

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Its too confusing

My friend has a daughter and from the second she could speak she called me Costello. I think it's because her Dad used to say Sue Costello is coming over and she only heard Costello. Anyway, she is the cutest kid on earth and we have had a special connection since she was born. I've babysat her many times but the most profound time was Sept 12th 2001, it was her first day of school and the day after Sept 11th. I went to the upper east side armed with all my sorrow knowing full well that I would have to hide it when I saw her. It was odd, i lived downtown at the time and the Upper East side seemed much less affected. I walked into the apartment and out she came with her blue dress and blue bow yelling ";Costello's here!" She was so cute i forgot my sorrow for a second. She was so unaffected. For an hour or so we played and then i gave her her sippy cup and she sat in the chair and I on the couch. I picked up the New York Times and there was a list of all the missing people and my heart sunk. She was not even looking at me and at that moment she turned and said Costello are you ok? I means she was  2.   Then when it was time to leave she hugged me for a good five minutes.  Since then we have had many more moments like that. There was the time when she was afraid to take her turtleneck off because her Dad had gotten it stuck on her head one day and now she was shell shocked. I told her not ot worry that if it got stuck Costello would run in the kitchen and get the scissors and cut it off. Through her tears she asked, "Costello do big girls cry?"And then there was the time when we were walking to get the mail in Nantucket and a helicopter flew over head and scared her and i told her that Costello would always protect her.  And the time we were sitting at the dining room table and i said some word and she picked right up on it and asked me what it meant. I can't remember the word but it was one of those words that you really can't describe but i tried and half way through she said "its too confusing!" While circling her fingers around her ears. A year later i was filming Last Comic Standing and they interviewed her, they asked her if she thought Costello was funny and she said "no" and everyone laughed.  A few minutes later she was in the kitchen crying hysterically to her Mom, she felt bad because she didn't mean that i wasn't funny but she wanted to say that i was pretty and she didn't think i could be both. HMMMMMMMMMMM she was three at the time. Did someone teach her that, or was she born with it?   It's too confusing.